Surviving the Workplace While Dressing Cute as Fluff
By Kore Poole
“Don’t wear anything you wouldn’t wear to an elementary school.”
When my male coworker said this to me, I knew he meant it as legitimate advice—a statement that would ultimately help me survive the corporate world—but that didn’t change the reaction I had to it.
When I was younger I hated dress codes. I remember getting harassed for having my bra straps barely visible under my lacey doll-like blouse during a fire drill, and my close male friend being told to go home because he was wearing a tutu with bike shorts during Spirit Week. It never occurred to me that these standards would be imposed in adulthood. I just didn’t have the time or forethought to think that far ahead.
My coworker said that to me, and I immediately felt trapped. I wanted to wear my newly purchased crop top with standard leggings—one of the only things I could wear after developing Fibromyalgia. Feeling cute while I dealt with stressors in the office was important to me.
In game development, it’s common to be treated poorly. As Polygon states, “Developers are used to working long hours without benefits in the hope of full-time employment” and are often stuck in a cycle of short, bitter contracts while chasing that carrot (Colwill, 2019, p.37). While main offices are often primo, contractors are often “[made to] feel like hired help” and when they try to advocate for themselves they hit a wall of culture. Samer Khouli, CEO of TargetCW, a popular contracting company used by many game studios, remarks that “gaming studios tend to be cult-like" (Campbell, 2016, p.24-29). By design, this makes it hard to change things.
They also discourage employees from dressing “too alternatively,” which usually means dressing in ways the senior staff find unfamiliar. At my first contract, the fastest way to get to the kitchen was by using see-thru steps. I immediately noticed male employees hanging back at the bottom of the steps, some scratching their beards and giggling, sneakily craning their necks to peek as the women wearing short skirts stomped downstairs for our morning coffees.
Don’t even get me started at the up-and-down looks I’d get from some coworkers when I dared wear a short-ish skirt and over-the-knee socks; apparently, the inch of skin I was showing was highly indecent to them. My solution was to conform and switch to a conservative and boring life of leggings and t-shirts. It scared me to receive those wolfish looks in an office where people had tangible power over my career, and I threw out the tutus I used to dance through school hallways in to appease that fear. I thought it was a necessary sacrifice if I wanted a career path in game development.
In another situation, my coworkers described my friend as looking “like a terrorist” for wearing a matrix-style leather coat. For the record, he absolutely rocked it. But when I asked my coworker why exactly he felt my friend looked like a terrorist, he fell back to saying he was told “they were the enemy” during his time in the army. I didn’t have to ask (but I did) and he confirmed “they” were in fact, “Arabs.” Only, I’m pretty sure the friend he was referring to is Thai, but we haven’t talked since his contract ended a few weeks later.
How do we survive this while wearing alternative fashion, and as a result, drawing more attention to ourselves? The first few months of my contract I’d vent, expecting understanding from my mostly male coworkers. Instead, they’d insist that they didn’t have any issues with the unspoken dress code and rules. It always came down to being virtuous or decent, as if dressing too cute or alternatively were equal to not being dressed at all, with a clear double standard for women.
People like to see what they expect - unfortunately
Women in gaming are often expected to be masculine and unapproachable. Tattoos, piercings, and hair dye are staples, and it’s been a joke around every office I’ve been in that you can tell us apart by the hair dye. More feminine attributes are usually seen as weakness, and people will project softer and weaker characteristics onto women who dress this way in these offices.
They also don’t expect you to be a person of color
I am white and especially pale. People with melanin, and Black folks especially, have a lot more to deal with in these environments than I do. My close friend who wants to remain anonymous, experienced a lot of discrimination around her hair and attitude, constantly being framed as an “angry Black woman” when I have watched her calmly take on people who were dismissing her with surprising amounts of aggression. She experienced much harsher scrutiny than I did, and we supported each other through our contracts by banding together.
For Black people, natural hair always caused judgment in these environments. “We do our hair to make white people comfortable,” and if you have long and textured hair, she would suggest having it styled in afro-puffs or ponytails. She always did this at work, because it gives the clear indication that she did something with it, so she wouldn’t have to worry about managers bothering her about being somehow less groomed than her peers. Her natural creativity combats this bias, and she still wore different bandanas around like headbands each day to match her t-shirts. As offices become less homogenous, we should learn to see textured hair as beautiful, and become more accepting of protective styles no matter how they’re worn.
The buddy system is surprisingly relevant.
If you can, I would highly suggest finding a buddy or office best friend who you can let off steam with. It’s also good for someone to have your back. My confidant, who was very accepting of my style in all its forms, often helped me get through it. She grabbed all of my office stuff which included a very expensive specialty keyboard, when my contract was cut short by a manager ghosting me after I disclosed the scope of my disability to him.
Office spaces are not homogenous
My first lead at my first contract was the most amazing advocate and ally. He vocally stood against all forms of discrimination and harassment. I felt comfortable wearing cute things, regularly wearing leggings that had cyberpunk and robotic designs, and flowy shirts that I’d use to frame my favorite necklaces. But once I moved offices to be a part of a more specialized team, he was no longer there. Suddenly I was around the sharks of the company who could act however they liked, and on a team run by a guy obsessed with QAnon theories who took particular anger towards me and my “SJW crap.” This is the change that led me to stop dressing how I wanted to, more safely choosing jeans and nerdy t-shirts—the unofficial office uniform.
What I learned later is that you can find safe people who will stand by you and advocate for your safety. My lead at my second contract told me constantly not to take my computer into meetings with the CEO, who saw it as me ignoring him and assumed that I was scrolling through Facebook. Even though I stubbornly insisted that I needed the accommodation, she took the time to explain multiple times that, accommodations or not, that he would cut me just for having computers in meetings. Sometimes it’s that cute plaid clueless-esque skort that’s just a little short, and sometimes it’s a computer, but what is acceptable in one meeting may not be acceptable in another. The same goes for office buildings and teams.
Comfort is key
I would suggest finding comfortable clothes that show your aesthetic. Leggings, fanny packs, t-shirts, jewelry, layering, and hair dye are my favorite ways to express myself in an office.
Just because these are the rules, doesn’t mean you’re wrong for not fitting into them
While working in stressful environments like this it is especially important to find ways to express ourselves. You’re beautiful no matter what color, size, or shape you are. No matter what these rules might say about you, please remember they are not facts, only things a job requires. And you are more than your job.
Textured hair is perfect the way it is. Melanin is beautiful and does not deserve extra scrutiny. Your body is fantastic and you should feel empowered to show as much of it as you’d like to. Your nationality or skin color says nothing about your disposition, and you are your own incredible, individual person. Please remember, if you are working in an office where you are pressured to filter yourself, the parts you filter are not faults. They only indicate a fault in our employment system, and the power employers have over our lives. As we work towards a better future, we can strive to make these environments safer and more accepting.
Author Bio: My name is Kore! I’m 25 and have tried very hard to work in video games for most of my life. I’ve found that my QA (Quality Assurance) contracts are often cut short because of my disability, and dressing at my jobs has been an absolute challenge.
Website:
Sources:
Colwill, T. (2019, January 16). Game developers need to unionize. Retrieved October, 2020, from https://www.polygon.com/platform/amp/2019/1/16/18178332/game-developer-union-crunch
Campbell, C. (2016, December 19). The game industry's disposable workers. Retrieved October, 2020, from https://www.polygon.com/platform/amp/features/2016/12/19/13878484/game-industry-worker-misclassification