Asexualisation: How My Kawaii Fashion Rejects Compulsory Sexuality

We live in an interesting period of sexual expression. There’s this tug-o-war between the objectification of women and the sex-positivity movement. A woman is expected to make herself sexually appealing to men, but she is also a slut for doing so. A feminist should reject the male gaze, but also live her sex life to the fullest because screw repressing our sexuality for the patriarchy! There are contradictions on both sides that extend into the fashion industry. If you dress modestly, you’re a prude. If you wear revealing clothing, you’re a slut. How does an asexual feminist like myself fit into all this?

Well, I guess I don’t want to—not in the mainstream industry, anyway. Instead, I want to use my fashion to reject it all. I want to reject compulsory sexuality, the male gaze, and modesty culture in the most visible way possible. That is why I wear kawaii and alternative fashion.

I cover my shoulders, “cleavage” (I have none), and midriff in vibrant colours and layers. On some days, my feminine expression is so loud and over-the-top that it might as well be its own choir. “Yes, I am a woman and I am the farthest thing from invisible you will ever see!” we sing. Other days, my fashion crushes the gender binary under hot pink Doc Martens. People can’t ogle my body because my self-expression is in the way. Fashion empowers me to claim aggressive ownership of my body.

Let me get controversial for a bit. I believe in sex positivity for general society, but from a personal standpoint, I hate sex. I think it’s weird, gross, and icky. It has zero appeal for me. I want no part in it, and I want my fashion to have no part in it. Fashion is another way for me to reject sexual appeal in favour of aesthetic attractiveness. Look at my outfit and appreciate it the same way you would a picture in the artist alley. Admire the colours, embellishments, patterns, and textures. Furthermore, admire me in all of my asexy glory!

Alternative fashion has so much power because its goal is to reject social norms in favour of your true self. For some, that does involve openly embracing one’s sexuality. For others, it means downplaying or rejecting it. Hell, you can even do both! All are valid.

In short, goodbye, modesty culture. Farewell, compulsory sexuality. Neither of you are welcome in my wardrobe, because kawaii fashion is my asexualisation.

To learn more about asexuality and asexual culture, check out the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network.